BraceFace: S1, E17 “The Secret”

Good news! After nearly 14 months of applying for jobs, getting a million rejection letters, and going on multiple interviews (some of which were scams), I finally have a job. Jesus, I felt like I was never going to get one. I’m beyond grateful and happy. Bad news? My new job might affect how often I do my reviews, but I will do my best to stick to my schedule and having these uploaded every Friday evening. However, in the event that it’s Friday evening and I have nothing posted, please understand and try to be patient.

At school, Sharon is in the girls’ bathroom and telling Maria about her date with Alden at an amusement park. They were on a horror ride (so predictable) and Sharon leaned in closer to Alden, but he pulled away. Sharon think the pimple on her chin made him pull away.


PimpleFace! My life is complicated…

Maria doesn’t believe that’s the case since the pimple is so small and believes it was because his friends were in the car behind him and Alden was afraid to do make a move in front of his friends. She also theorizes that Alden’s just a gentleman and teases Sharon about the fact that her and Alden haven’t kissed yet. Haha. Meanwhile, Alden and Brock are in the boys’ locker room and Alden is complaining to Brock about not having any privacy at home. Brock smells Alden’s armpit and it pretty much tells us why Alden pulled away from Sharon. Alden tells Brock that he’s been using deodorant, but it’s not working. I have the same problem as well. Regular deodorant has the same effect on me as a Pikachu using Thunderbolt on an Onix. Luckily, I have an antiperspirant prescription to combat my strong armpit odor. Brock warns Alden to stay away from the chicks. I don’t get why he’s saying chicks. Does he not care that Alden is already in a relationship with Sharon? I guess he doesn’t respect their relationship.

Before I start, is this guy the only teacher at Mary Pickford Junior High? He’s the Gym, French, and History teacher. I’ve had teachers that taught more than one subject, but those were related subjects. I guess it’s one of those “We only have one teacher in the whole school” tropes.

One teacher in the entire school

Anyway, Mr. Hopoff is passing out everyone’s community service assignments. Sharon and Maria got the Teen Help Line. Alden has also been assigned to the Teen Help Line, but is afraid he might end up next to Sharon and starts sweating. Brock suggests that he trade with Connor since his assignment is the Jr. Fireman and we all know it’s not Connor’s thing. Unfortunately for both of these guys, Mr. Hopoff tells him they can’t switch assignments. Whomp. Whomp.

Sorry no trading

Sharon hears all of this and believes that Alden wanted to trade so he can avoid her. I understand why Sharon would think that. And he is avoiding her, but not in the way she thinks he is. At the Hotline Center, Sharon is listening to a caller complaining about her boyfriend. He does a lot of romantic things so his girlfriend will make out with him. She complains that her lips are chapped all of the time. She also asks Sharon if she should break up with her boyfriend and mentions that he’s a wrestler. While all of this is going on, Alden is purposely trying not to look in Sharon’s direction.

The girl, whose name is revealed to be Hanna, also mentions that we they play fight he, says “Oh, Hanna you’re so big and strong”. Yeah, I’m going to take that out of context. Sharon yells out Hanna’s name and has everyone in the room staring at her. “Hanna” goes on to ask if it’s cute because he can flip her over in a second and hangs up. Yeah, my mind is in gutter today. Sharon pulls Maria away from the phone (how rude) and tells her that she thinks Adam’s girlfriend Hanna was the one on the phone. Maria doesn’t believe it, but Sharon believes otherwise since the boyfriend fits Adam’s description and the girl sounded like Hanna. Maria tells her that she’s going to need more proof and Alden comes in yawning and stretching.


Sharon asks Alden if they’re still on for their movie date later on. He confirms and quickly walks away from her. He continues to make Sharon believe that he wants nothing to do with her. Later on, Sharon and Maria go into Adam’s room and try to find proof that he’s the pervert boyfriend. Sharon finds posters of women working out in Adam’s room and immediately labels him a pervert. Haha. I think the girls would have to be something skimpier or maybe they could find some Playboy magazines laying around in order for him to be a pervert.

A total pervert

What a pervert!

Maria finds a bowl of vanilla ice cream and Sharon makes a connection to Adam being the pervy boyfriend. Sharon starts reaching for the sky when she makes the sunset connection to Adam having a postcard from Richard when he was on tour in Florida (Remember that episode?). Maria doesn’t believe the bullshit and just when Maria points out that none of the music Adam has is country, Adam is home from practice. They run out of his room and are able to fool Adam into believing they were in the den watching TV. They pretend to talk about Sharon’s date with Alden later tonight and Sharon says she’s going to try a new approach.

Sharon is in her room waiting on Alden, but Adam steps in and tells her that Alden can’t make the date but they can do homework on the phone. Sharon’s disappointed, but tries to look on the bright side and brags to Adam that he and Hanna probably don’t do homework over the phone. Adam asks why would he want to do that and Sharon is truly convinced that Adam is a pervert. I wouldn’t want to do homework on the phone with a guy that I’m dating. We could have discussions and debates over literature, but not homework.

Just what I thought

The next day Alden and Brock and standing outside of a store and Alden is too embarrassed to go inside. How cute. Brock pulls him inside and they tell the pharmacist (I assume since she’s wearing a white coat) that they need Extra Manly Deodorant. I wonder if it’s a brand name or if it’s just something they made up. She doesn’t believe that Alden needs it since he’s just a boy, but Brock insists that she smells Alden’s armpit. She does and the woman passes out, but regains conscious. She tells him that deodorant won’t do and he needs to see a specialist about it. Poor Alden looks like the lady told him that he only has six months to live.

You have six months to live

I’m sorry to tell you this son, but you only have six months to live.

Back at home, Sharon and Maria are watching Adam and Hanna playing outside from Sharon’s room. They’re watching for signs of him being a pervert in action. Adam and Hanna are out of their sight, but they can still hear them. Sharon hears Hanna saying “Stop” and “That’s disgusting”. Adam says it’s only a little spit (ew) and Sharon thinks he’s being a make out monster like “Hanna” described. But, it was Sampson licking her.

Sampson licking Hanna

Sharon continues to get her Harriet the Spy on as she watches Hanna and thinks she’s crying because of Adam, but it’s because her new contact lenses hurt her eyes. Oh, contact lenses. I started wearing them in the 9th grade. I had such a hard time getting them in, but they didn’t really hurt so badly. Now, I’m a pro at them, but my eyes still fucking hurt sometimes.

Contact lenses are the devil

Sharon goes over Hanna’s house and tries to console her. You know those scenarios where both characters think they’re talking about the same thing, but they’re really not? Yeah it’s one of those and I always find them hilarious. Anyway, Sharon swears to Hanna that she’ll set Adam straight. Poor Hanna has no clue what she’s talking about. Sharon goes down to the den where Adam is watching TV. She starts telling him off, but he ignores her and has no clue what she’s talking about. I feel bad for all of them. We get to Alden’s house and he’s looking for his swash goggles. He assumes Daisy took and calls for her, but Violet tells him that she’s at the doctor for her body odor problem. Daisy has been wearing other people’s clothes, which explains why Alden’s clothes smell like that. Alden is so happy that he’s not the problem that he can’t keep his shirt on….literally.

Keep your shirt on

Meanwhile, Sharon takes the sex addict, err, I mean Adam snow skiing to help him control his hormones. This whole situation is just laughable. Adam says that he feels normal, but starts questioning Sharon if she’s the one with the hormonal problem. Duh. Duh. Duh. Since Alden doesn’t have the body odor issue, he’s free to hang around Sharon again. They just finished playing Gin and Alden is tired of playing. Sharon suggests that they watch a video and Alden tells her to pick whatever she wants. Sharon wants to watch a romance movie, but she doesn’t want Alden to think she only has one thing on her mind. Okay, I’m starting to believe Adam when he said Sharon might be the one with the hormonal issue. She’s afraid to admit and is taking it out on Adam by accusing him of having those issues. Instead of sitting next to Alden on the couch, she decides to sit in the reclining chair. Alden tries to convince Sharon to sit on the couch and she does so, but she’s sitting far away from him. Is this payback for him avoiding her without telling her? Looks that way.

Quit playing games with my head

I do find it weird that Sharon picked out one of Adam’s wrestling matches to watch. Anyway, Sharon and Alden start doing that awkwardly, adorable shyness thing that they did in the first few episodes. They’re so adorable when they do that.

So nervous and cute

Alden scoots closer to Sharon and he does the ol’ “I’m just yawning and stretching so I can put my arm around you” move that I’ve seen so many damn times in pop culture. You know the ol’ saying “Pictures are worth a thousand words”? What’s going to happen next (You already know what’s going to happen) is something that I have to just take screenshots of. Words don’t do it justice.

I spent five whole minutes laughing my ass off. Their first kiss was so awkward and hilarious. Thank God my first kiss wasn’t like that. Granted, I was 18 going on 19 (yeah I’m a late bloomer) when I had mine, but still. Adam walks in on them and he’s cracking up just like me. Adam teases Sharon and Sharon lies and says that they were practicing some of his wrestling moves. …And just like that, my mind goes straight to the gutter.

The next day at the Teen Help Hotline, Sharon gushes to Maria (in the restroom of all places) about her kiss with Alden. I wonder why she waited until now to bring this up. If I had an amazing experience with a guy, I would be telling my best friend about it and not leaving a single detail out. The girls are hogging up the bathroom, while poor Alden is standing outside holding in his piss.

Let the poor guy use the bathroom

Getting back to work, Sharon listens to a bunch of teens vent about their relationship problems. She gets another call and it’s “Hanna”. “Hanna” says that Sharon really helped her, but puts Sharon on hold because she has call waiting. Sharon’s braces do its magic and she’s able to hear the phone conversation. “Hanna” is revealed to be a girl named Julie. Sharon realizes she fucked up and feels bad for being so mean to Adam. Maria agrees and points out that Sharon never did prove everything. Adam pulls up in his car with Hanna wearing glasses and playing country music. He asks the girls if they need a lift and they start laughing like maniacs.

This was a decent episode. As always, Shalden are so cute and adorable. Their first kiss was just priceless. Definitely one of my top favorite moments in the series so far. I do like that they touched on puberty in this. Even though it wasn’t Alden, I appreciate that they added in the body odor issue considering I had this problem when I was a teen. I always kept my arms low so the stench wouldn’t spread. I’d get embarrassed anytime someone at school yelled out that someone was musty. It was a small detail, but I like that Alden asked if it was hereditary. It runs in my family. My grandmother had it, my mom has it, I have it, and if I have a kid there’s a good chance they’ll have it too. It was wrong of Sharon to jump to conclusions so quickly. I understand that Adam fit the description of the sex-addicted boyfriend, but she should have gathered more concrete evidence. I also didn’t like how Alden was avoiding Sharon the whole time and all of a sudden stops without explaining to Sharon what was going on. I know he’s a teenager and he’s probably too embarrassed to talk about things like that with his girlfriend, but you were with Sharon when she got her first period. If he could handle that, then she could handle this. Also I’d be pretty suspicious of a guy if he went ghost on me and then came back without any explanation.


About rosecoloredglassesreviewer

Just a 20-something year old who loves writing and critiquing 90s/early-2000s TV shows. NOTE: I don't hate the shows I review. I enjoyed them as a child and I still enjoy them as an adult. My issue is with people who are blinded by nostalgia and believe that the shows they grew up are the best of all time and who believe today's shows suck.
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